Mindfulness and Your Perfect Weight

Check out my latest blog post on truebodymindsoul.com!

Whether you want to lose, gain, or maintain weight, or simply enjoy your food more, Mindfulness can help!

http://truebodymindsoul.com/mindfulness-and-your-perfect-weight/

Mindfulness Explained

If you have been wondering about Mindfulness and mindfulness meditation, what it is, why it’s useful, and how to do it, then check out my post on my new blog truebodymindsoul.com!  Mindfulness can improve health, decrease stress, and bring more joy and happiness to your life!

http://truebodymindsoul.com/mindfulness-explained/

A New Home for TrueBodyMindSoul!!

 

Hello friends and followers!!

I am excited to announce a new home for True Body Mind Soul!

I have purchased the domain, and started a new blog (well, a continuation of this blog!) at truebodymindsoul.com

I hope you will come check out my new site for posts about yoga, meditation, mindfulness, health and happiness.

Here is one post, for example, that you should definitely read : )

http://truebodymindsoul.com/ten-tips-for-starting-hot-yoga/

Hope to see you soon!

Best,

True Soul
(Amber)

365 Challenge Day 225 – The Body

I came across this quote today, and I love it:

“If you are divided from your body, you are also divided from the body of the world, which then appears to be other than you or separate from you, rather than the living continuum to which you belong.”

This is by author Philip Shepherd, from his book New Self, New World.  I hadn’t heard of him before, so I looked him up.  There is a five minute video in which he explains the premise of the book, and I find it fascinating.

This really resonates with my experience and my understanding of how detrimental living from the “brain” can be, when not connecting to the body.  This is one of the main reasons I switched my primary practice from sitting meditation to yoga.  I heart yoga ❤

365 Challenge Day 199 – Focus

It’s been a while since I’ve written about yoga!!  That’s because it’s become such a good “routine”, that I just go to class several times a week, and don’t even think much about it.  But I do actually have a lot to say, and I don’t want this to turn into a blog about saving money (my most recent goal.)

Since my background is in silent meditation, and I’m going to yoga as a form of meditation, it was tricky for me to figure out how to direct my attention.  I’m used to having one “anchor” in meditation, for example the breath, and the practice is simply to stay on the anchor, notice when you’re off, and then bring your attention back.  Over, and over, and over.

In yoga, I would bring my attention to the breath, the ujjiyi breath, but then feel like I was being “interrupted” when the teacher would give instruction or talk too much.  I’d get annoyed, thinking, Why won’t they be quiet so I can focus on my breath?!?  AND, then there are all the other things to focus on, such as drishti (the focused gaze) the bandhas, oh yeah, and the postures!  The more I tried to focus on all these things, the more confusing I found it!  I’d wonder, How am I supposed to keep my attention on all these things, AND listen to the instruction at the same time?  It’s impossible!!

Well, I finally got a chance to ask my teacher, and I’m kind of embarrassed that I didn’t figure it out on my own.  You are supposed to focus on all those things, but NOT AT THE SAME TIME. It is more of a sequence.  This makes so much sense!!  This way of practicing doesn’t develop the kind of one-pointed focus that I’m used to in a meditation.  BUT, that is the beauty of it.  This is why I am doing yoga instead of silent meditation.  This is a practice that teaches you to “let it in” and stay focused, not “block it out” and stay focused.  See what I mean?  This makes a world of difference when you are trying to practice in a way that is more integrated into life.  For example, this is what teaches me to switch my focus between what I am doing, and responding to my kids, without seeing them as an interruption, but rather as part of the flow of practice, of life.

 

365 Challenge Day 190 – Silent Retreat – Day 8

Last Day of an 8 day Silent Meditation Retreat

Woohoo!!!  This is what I wanted to yell out at the top of my lungs when the silence was broken at the end of the retreat. But, being a good yogi, I sat still and quietly turned to my neighbor who smiled and said, “That was not what I expected.”  Apparently a common theme for everyone.

I will have to really reflect on this retreat.  I’ve done about 20 retreats in the past 15 years, and this was by far the most challenging, because of the difficult emotions, resentments towards the center, and doubts around the practice.  At this very moment it’s hard for me to even remember what I have loved so much in the past that has kept me coming back year after year!

One good thing that really came out of it is a deep deep appreciation for my children, and everything that comes with having kids.  Being in this quiet, serene, tranquil, perfectly orderly environment did not feel beautiful or ideal.  It felt sterile, lifeless, and oppressive.  I realized how much I want to “embrace the mess” that comes with having kids.  Even though I’m always fighting against the clutter and chaos at my house, I’ve seen the extreme lack of clutter, and realize I don’t want that either!!

Bring on the chaos!!

365 Challenge Day 189 – Silent Retreat – Day 7

Day 7 of an 8 day Silent Meditation Retreat

The relief of having talked to my teacher lasted throughout the day.  I felt at peace.  I continued with the Gratitude practice, and some meditation that I call resting in the abiding awareness.  It was a very long day though.  I felt very ready to go home.  I was just about counting the hours until the retreat would end.  I felt like I had been there a month!  Even though most days had been fairly pleasant, those two really challenging days really colored the entire retreat and felt like they lasted about a week each!

My energy felt very low though.  I tried to do yoga all week, and I did, but each day I did less and less.  My theory is that because I am extremely extroverted and derive a lot of energy from human interaction, that being on the silent retreat really drains my energy.  I think if I did the retreat center’s three-month retreat I would slip into a deep depression or a coma!  I don’t mind the silence, but in the moments I have some form of human interaction I notice it’s like having a double espresso!  A burst of aliveness and energy!  In fact, now I’m remember that on day 6 (my meltdown day) I had the thought, What if silent meditation is only beneficial for introverts, and for extroverts it’s really a slow form of torture and punishment?

Anyway, almost done, just a few hours left.  I miss my kids.

365 Challenge Day 188 – Silent Retreat – Day 6

Day 6 of an 8 day Silent Meditation Retreat

Another major meltdown!!

Last night my teacher gave a dharma talk and some of the things he said were that when our difficult emotions come up we don’t want to look at them, so we run away.  And I thought, Oh shit, he’s talking to me!!

I started to doubt all of my decisions to explore other practices such as yoga and Subud.  I had all of these thoughts about why I wasn’t connecting to Buddhist meditation as my primary practice, but I started to doubt all of them, doubt my own motivation and my own wisdom, and wonder if I should just buckle down and push through and practice.

So this day I really practiced in a more traditional way, dropped the gratitude, dropped the two hour walks into town for more coffee, just did the sitting and walking, sitting and walking, sitting and…

meltdown

I cried in the meditation hall! Again!!  I just couldn’t take it!!  I felt so trapped!!  I felt so mad that the place encourages silence as the ONLY way to practice.  Instead of feeling like a refuge, it felt like an ivory white walled, pine, sterile, OCD, prison!!  I’ve never felt so confused in my life!!

That night I saw my teacher for an interview, and told him I was having a hard time.

He told me to follow my heart.  If my heart was telling me that I needed to do a practice that was more active, more embodied, more extroverted, more interpersonal, than that’s what I needed to do!!  He told me I should never feel like I needed to stick with one form of practice, or one teacher.  He told me that almost all experienced practitioners (including himself) leave the practice at some point. Some come back, some don’t.  I guess I needed his opinion to know I wasn’t kidding myself, and to feel like I was moving forward, not giving up.

Huge sigh of relief!!!

365 Challenge Day 187 – Silent Retreat – Day 5

Day 5 of an 8 day Silent Meditation Retreat

After my meltdown yesterday, I managed to calm down this day.  After staying inside for 4 days straight of cold rain, today the rain turned to snow, and I got outside for some much needed fresh air, exercise, and natural light.

I was running low on coffee (it’s an addiction : ) and decided to really go for a good walk, into town, to see what I could find.  It was about an hour each way, in the snow.  It felt so good to move!!  And even better, I ran into my teacher on the way and he asked me if I’d like a private interview with him. I said yes!

While I was at the convenience store buying some instant coffee (yuck) I saw some bags of chocolate chips and decided the other retreatants would love a treat of some chocolate!  It was pretty fun to sneak a big bowl with two bags worth of chocolate into the dining hall after dinner, and watch it quickly go down over the next couple of hours.

I continued to work with Gratitude.  It felt pretty good : )

365 Challenge Day 186 – Silent Retreat – Day 4

Day 4 of an 8 Day Silent Retreat

Meltdown

After three relatively peaceful days of practicing Gratitude, and reflecting on a longing for Joy in my spiritual practice, I got SLAMMED with feelings of anger, resentment, sadness and fear.

These are all the same difficult emotions that came up on last year’s retreat, and they center around the fact that the meditation retreat center where I have practiced for the past 15 years has decided to permanently cancel the Family Retreat.  I have gone to the Family Retreat for the past nine years with my kids, and this was their only spiritual community, and their only connection to a spiritual practice.

I didn’t realize how much anger around this was still inside me, but being at the retreat center again, and getting really quiet, all the feelings came flooding back.  I had to seriously ask myself how I could be part of a spiritual practice/community that had “kicked out” my kids.  And felt tremendous guilt for raising them in a community where they were not valued, and not wanted.  It was so painful.

All these feelings get super intense during a silent retreat.  It’s like being in an emotional pressure cooker!!!  At one dramatic moment I thought to myself, “They are making me choose between my spiritual practice and my children!!”  And I started sobbing loudly in the middle of the meditation hall with a hundred other people in the room.  Don’t worry, I wasn’t embarrassed, I’m used to it.  Happens all the time : )