365 Challenge Day 190 – Silent Retreat – Day 8

23 Dec

Last Day of an 8 day Silent Meditation Retreat

Woohoo!!!  This is what I wanted to yell out at the top of my lungs when the silence was broken at the end of the retreat. But, being a good yogi, I sat still and quietly turned to my neighbor who smiled and said, “That was not what I expected.”  Apparently a common theme for everyone.

I will have to really reflect on this retreat.  I’ve done about 20 retreats in the past 15 years, and this was by far the most challenging, because of the difficult emotions, resentments towards the center, and doubts around the practice.  At this very moment it’s hard for me to even remember what I have loved so much in the past that has kept me coming back year after year!

One good thing that really came out of it is a deep deep appreciation for my children, and everything that comes with having kids.  Being in this quiet, serene, tranquil, perfectly orderly environment did not feel beautiful or ideal.  It felt sterile, lifeless, and oppressive.  I realized how much I want to “embrace the mess” that comes with having kids.  Even though I’m always fighting against the clutter and chaos at my house, I’ve seen the extreme lack of clutter, and realize I don’t want that either!!

Bring on the chaos!!


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